What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Why did my crush like me for only two days in a row?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

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I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Is the Donald Trump Bible any different from a regular Bible? Has Trump altered its contents?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

TEXT:

How do flat earthers explain the Earth being stationary? Is this concept considered impossible?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

What makes you think that former U.S. President Donald Trump's legal team has already been laying the groundwork for an appeal in the hush money trial?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Is it possible to become homeless after being released from jail or prison in the United States?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

What might be the social consequences of an ethnic as opposed to a civic conception of the nation?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

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Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Why does my penis look like a mushroom when it gets big?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

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Make Nazis afraid again!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

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Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!